Ted Turner envisions worldwide Donner Party after Global Warming

File this one under Demented things that zealots actually believe or Examples of why Al Gore’s brand of Global Warming scaremongering is dangerous. Take your pick because either category doesn’t do justice to the mind-numbing foolishness of this statement from CNN founder Ted Turner.

Not [taking drastic action to stop global warming] will be catastrophic. We’ll be eight degrees hottest in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals.

In his defense, Turner has a history of saying completely insane things. Of course it is also possible that Turner isn’t crazy and this slip could explain years of wacky quotations from the media giant. If Turner was instead speaking from experience with cannibalism, not an impossible concept if the incredibly rich people in Hollywood movies have taught me anything, it would clear up a lot, including his marriage to Jane Fonda. When one resorts to cannibalism, it is possible to contract prion diseases that work like the dreaded Mad Cow disease. It has long been speculated that a diseased brain might be responsible for the hallucinatory world view that seems to afflict so many on the far left. If this is the case then Turner truly knows not what he does, and he should be viewed as a cautionary tale of the dangers that immense wealth and power bring, not a neurotic nutter butter.

But after examining the evidence far too closely given the flimsiness of this joke, it’s more likely that Ted is just a loony lefty given that he owns a chain of reasonably priced steakhouses. Not even someone who equates Iraqi terrorists to patriots can turn down a well-cooked steak, and with pockets that deep I don’t see how he could pull himself away from the buffet long enough to play Hannibal Lecter. So don’t shed a tear for poor Ted Turner. He’s just rich and crazy.

It has never ceased to amuse me how Fox is viewed as the devil incarnate, dripping with bias both in front and behind the camera, while Turner proudly makes statements like this and none of it is attributed to his network. His kooky fingerprints definitely stain the cameras at CNN, as opposed to Fox News founder Rupert Murdock who by all objective standards is about as savvy a businessman as you can get and not near the ideologue that many perceive him to be (the latter being known to fundraise for Hillary, while his daughter fundraised for Obama).

Not that I’m faulting Mr. Turner for saying what he wants. Every American deserves free speech. I’m almost disappointed that he’s full of it about global warming as I, like every other red-blooded American male, pine for a post-apocalyptic world filled with mutants and marauders instead of the ho-hum civilized society that we have today. I’m not even upset over his continued misstatement about the Iraqi insurgency (see the link for that idiocy) because Ted is a known quantity. The only thing I still hold a grudge against this mustached maniac for is Captain Planet. In fact, just for that horrible TV show, I think I’ll going to go burn some Styrofoam in my backyard without a permit. Happy early Earth Day!

In related news, the AP is still misreporting Kyoto and Botox might also explain liberalism.

Update: Nutters enforce “lights out” night in Denver and Rick Moran at American Thinker responds.

Update: Hot Air has the video.  JustOneMinute offers up some culinary tips for Ted.